she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
