How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
