carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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