May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
