Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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