is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
