i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
