my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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