it was like having sex with a tree stump
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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