I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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