i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
