And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A+ Viking dick
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
