I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
