why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Drake has all the answers
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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