I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
