it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
