I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
