Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
