i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
