Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
