90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
