batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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