Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Im part way to drunk.
I am available for nakedness
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
