i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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