Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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