I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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