hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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