So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
