The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
