I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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