I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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