Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
