Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
