you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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