And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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