Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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