dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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