my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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