Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I faked an abortion last night.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
