i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
