A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
