genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
