he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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