AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
