she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
