I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
