worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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