Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
