im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
