A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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