that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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