At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
