I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
