Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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