The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
