wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
